Lifes Changes

I am using my blog as a way of venting right now..... I know when we received the news that Joshs' tumour was low grade, we were very excited and thankful.
However, I don't think I realized that life, as we knew it, would never be the same. I know I have mentioned that we are falling back into our normal life but I find myself paying special attention to things that would never have fazed me before. Simple little things, like telling Josh to watch his step getting out of the truck cause there is snow on the driveway.. Keeping a watchful eye on him, his attitude, his health, his walking, his talking, his overall being.
The other night we were all sitting at the kitchen table playing a game, and Josh starting shaking his head and rubbing his eyes, then took his glasses off and rubbed them even harder. I asked him what the problem was, he said he couldn't see... "my eyes are open, but I couldn't see...." Is this a symptom? Was it just a fluke thing?
Tonight we were eating supper... he said he was having a hard time swallowing.... again it this a symptom? or is he getting a cold/flu?
I was reading on the Internet... (I know, I shouldn't, but I cant help myself) Symptoms of active brain stem tumors can be - Swallowing problems, or gag reflects problems.

So I find myself constantly being "aware".... Aware of everything that Josh does, says or doesn't say.
John and I were talking and I basically came to the conclusion that this is going to be our life now. Living from scan to scan and constantly praying that things out of the ordinary are nothing.
I know we could have it worse, and we truly are thankful that his tumor is low grade, but just knowing that it could change, grow, and our whole life could change again.....without any warning, has really scared me.
In my head, I know God has a plan and purpose for everything, but I would be lying if I didn't say that, some days I ask God, if He is sure that this was His plan. I keep thinking, Josh has already had so much in his life...is He sure that Josh had to have a tumor too. ( I don't mean to sound disrespectful.... but these are some of the feelings that I am having) Sometimes our hearts don't always follow our heads.
I am asking all of you for your prayers. First for Josh, that he will stay healthy and the tumor will not show any change. Also for our family, for peace and trust in the Lord, and for being able to cope with the changes.
And maybe one for Joshs' patience, as I am sure that the 101 questions everyday... might be driving him nuts.

Psalm 56:3 "When I am afraid, I will trust in you."

Psalm 62:8 "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah"

Isaiah 12:2 "Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Psalm 112:7

 "He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD"