Frustrating Moments and Misunderstandings

As I sat here and reread my blog, I had so many emotions rushing through my head.......
So many sleepless nights and many tears shed.
One day particularly stands out to me, it was several days after Joshs' most recent surgery. The doctor had explained that they could not get a piece of the tumor due to the location-- brain stem. He had told us that he took a sample of "brain fluid" to be tested and someone would call us if there were concerns.
We waited and waited..... trust me, I am not the most patient person so I made many phone calls to the hospital to get results.
After 2 weeks of not hearing anything, it was like God just gave me a calmness that got me through the next couple of days.
Being the season that it was....hunting season. I am, what I kid, "a single mom". John was gone for the day and the all the boys were at school. I just couldn't take not knowing a second longer, so I called the hospital again....answering service...... so I hung and tried again. After 4 times of doing this, I finally got the receptionist. I had talked to her several times over the past 2.5 weeks.... she explained that she left a message for the doctor to call me, and her hands were tied. Well........... I just LOST it.
I told her, that you cant tell someone that there child has a brain tumor and expect us to just dismiss it. Then I even went on, to ask her if she had children..... I look back now and think that maybe it wasn't the wisest thing to do, but I was desperate.
She asked me to wait on hold and came back shortly to tell me that it was a glioma, and the test came back to be negative for cancer markers.
I didn't hear too much after that....I do remember her saying that the doctor would explain more to us. I first called John to tell him what I had heard. We were both so overjoyed. After speaking to John, I called my mom, you must know, besides my husband, my mom is my best friend, she is always there when I need her. Well I cried and I cried....... I kept saying "its not cancer" "its not cancer".
As I write this.... I keep feeling that emotion over and over again....."its not cancer"

We had an appointment with the doctor a week after hearing the "good" news. I was actually excited about going and hearing the words from his mouth. After looking Josh over and some routine "follow up" questions, we asked about the tumor. That is when he told us that we don't know what kind of tumor it is, we cant get a sample to test and that is the only "sure" way to know. I was very puzzled, so I asked about the fluid test. He then explained that they were testing to see if there was cancer in any other location of his body.

Well.... I must admit it was like being slapped in the face, when I was soo excited, then to be crushed again.
Now all the uncertainties again, the waiting again.... All I want are answers... I don't think that is too much to ask.

Many weeks and months have gone by now, and I find that most days I am blessed with that calmness again.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my emotional, frustrated days too.
But John and I are trying to dwell on, how WELL Josh is doing now, at this moment. We will deal with the road ahead when the time comes.

We know God is an awesome God, he has a plan and purpose for everything and everyone. We just pray that his plan is that Josh stays healthy for many more years.